It's that time honoured feeling

I just feel so desolate, I guess that's all I really have to say. It's tough trying to work out what you want to be as it is, but the older you get the less likely you are to achieving what you really want and so feel the need to settle. I know what I want to be, but it's always changing. A year ago, I wanted to be a professional musician. Nowadays, I want something different, although equally as creative.

It's those creative things that are frowned upon by parents and friends. It's all "that's very nice, but what about a real job?" That's not as annoying as I make it out to be, but it is disheartening. At first you want to prove them all wrong, but the more they disapprove or doubt the more the disapproval and doubt sets in within yourself and you start to look upon a middle management career as a realistic prospect - the best you're going to get.

Course, what's really annoying me is that I can't even go up to Amy, who I saw tonight along with my friends in the bar, and tell her I like her. All our conversations were orchestrated by her - way to come off as uninterested. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I'm doubtful going to see her now before the new term, this horrible Christmas loneliness business to now look forward to.

It just seems to me as though everything is going to shit.