See
the reason i dont talk about my problems to anyone is because no one has any real advice to give me that isnt ridiculous cliched bullshit about how i should get over it and i have no reason to be unhappy and life is for living; alternatively there are those who just smile and touch my shoulder and say awwww and hope that that is enough to make me forget my self involved bullshit and go on to lead a very happy life thank you very much have a nice day.
truth is its all bollocks. of course i have no reason to be unhappy. i live an alright life, have some amazing friends, manage, etc.
and self harm's all bullshit anyway, it doesnt make you feel better it just makes you think shit im bleeding which is rubbish. and yeah ive tried burns cuts bruises hitting all of that and none of it works. it just makes you feel worse... but i suppose it makes you feel justified for feeling bad and for that i will continue to do it. its good to have some vindication.
ive contemplated suicide on many occasions but have never had the cojones to go through with it entirely. which worsens the feelings i suppose. and as good as it feels to write this down here it still feels shit that the aforementioned friends might read it and think aawwwww or something else that equates to pity. i dont want to be pitied or sympathised with or told that itll pass and i'll help you through it because it doesnt work like that. not to me anyway. words are the biggest faux pas of the human parasite. they are empty and meaningless despite whatever context you throw in there
it fucking hurts and i dont like it. im sick of feeling this way its always the same. once, about 3 years ago i was out drinking and left the pizza place we were in across to the park and just sat there and cried like a fucking pussy about everything that was making me feel bad, and ive not cried since and that, THAT makes me feel worse of all. i want to feel something other than this fucking bullshit but no that i cant. even hurting myself doesnt bring a tear to my eye anymore. its fucking bullshit.
this wasnt as cleansing or refreshing as i thought it would be. ignore this.
posted by Ether @ 2:29 PM
7 Comments
7 Comments:
Well the good part? nope, no-one knows who you are, therefore theres no pity, feel better? it doesnt matter how "great" your life is or what your circumstances are, if you feel like shit inside yourself theres not a damn thing to be done about it. maybe itll get better, maybe it wont. thats life, its not fair. odds are though that you wont feel bad forever, constantly, so enjoy the good times as best you can.
but if you don't want pity and you don't want sympathy what do you want? because if you can't even explain to yourself why you feel bad you can't expect other people to know how to treat it!
i know who this is, and you probably know who this is and i hate to think that one of my close friends feels like this, but there's nothing i can do unless you ask me! and i don't even think you want me to do anything.
it makes me feel bad and i know that's selfidh, but to feel completely helpless about something like this is scary.
have you considered that you might have depression? constantly feeling low, self harming and thinking of suivide are all symptoms associated with depression. could you tslk to a doctor about how you feel?
you're right, nothing anyone ca say will change how you feel but its still important to eep talking about it so its not all bottled up inside you.
well done for posting, even if it hasn't helped much.
take care.
no sympathy, empathy maybe.
what about the advice of recieving medical help? something really hard to do but worthwhile.
some people don't have a reason for feeling the way they do, they just feel like that, and that's when medication etc works.
not all words are empty and meaningless. yeah, when people say aww and assume that's fine, it's bullshit. but someone offering to be there if ever you need it, that hsa meaning, that shows that someone loves you and cares. and one thing that is evident is that on here your feelings are not going to be ignored. you won't be given sympathy - it does fuck all. all anyone can offer is advice for you to take or leave. mine is talk to someone - a proffessional. they can help you without the whole "it'll pass or get over it"
whatever you decide, stay safe
Pills - prescribed anti-depressants, they are better than life itself, deep breath...aaahhhhhhh...everythings ok in the world again :)
re the medical advice thing; its been done, i tried it, they told me i needed to get out more. doctors are so full of shit.
re the 2nd anonymous, i dont want pity or sympathy, i want to be understood, i want people to get me and leave it at that. no bullshit "advice". im not sure who you are because i know none of my friends go on this blog. i highly doubt you know me.
i get you. i can understand why you don't like talking to people. cos it's all crap. i'm not the only one who would agree with you, i'm sure.
as for self harm, it works for a while, and then bam, it doesn't anymore, not like it used to.
i understand what you are saying.
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