Confused
I am in a relationship and have been for two years.
I love this relationship, I love him.
But we both suffer from depression etc.
And this means I am pushing him away and he is becoming clingy.
It isn't a good combination.
I wish I didn't push him away.
But I am sick of hurting him.
Oops.
I lie to him about how I feel.
I get easily fustrated when he tells me how he feels, because sometimes I don't understand it.
But that isn't his fault.
The more depressed I feel the more bitchy I am to him.
I am sick of being a moody, bitchy person.
I am sick of feeling so low and taking it out on others.
But I don't know how to change.
It scares me.
posted by Ether @ 3:32 PM
1 Comments
1 Comments:
I am 'him'.
I am the other person who needs to cope being in the relationship with a person who is depressed.
For the first time of my life I find myself out of my depth. I went to ask help from a 'shrink', they told me about depression, and all that.
Rationally I know that it is the disease which makes depressed people to behave cold and distant.
Rationally I know that. It is all because of the disease.
But it does not help me.
I wish I could be stronger, I wish I would not be this needy. I wish I could just easily concentrate on my own life.
Easier said than done.
I am only human.
Every day I wish things would go at least a bit better, but they won't.
That hurts me.
People forget us, the ones who still feel and love, but we do not get any understanding or compassion. No one thinks that we would need help, but we need. It hurts that our loved one is only the ghost of person whom we used to know but cannot really recognise any more, and there is a wall between us. And I am on the other side of it. Alone.
And it hurts, it hurts so much.
I still hope that all will change better, eventually. In the meanwhile I just need to be strong, no matter how hard it is.I just feel so small, very very small, how can I survive through all this? Still my heart does not want to give up, not now, not yet.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home