Self Harm

I really don't think I need it anymore.
I'm still as messed up as always, but I can cry.
And I do, almost every day.
The urges to cut are still there but it's getting easier to resist them.
I'm too scared to say this out loud in case it turns out not to be true.
But I think I can finally cope without self harm.

food

i can't deal with this. i can't.
i can't bear to keep eating when i can feel the fat pilling on with every bite.
i'm not slim, not skinny, i'm disgusting and my parents are forcing me to eat massive meals.
if they carry on i'm gonna refuse to eat at all. just stop and live on liquids. why why why won't they let me control my own body, why won't they let me skinny? skinny is perfect, skinny is beautiful. oh god oh god i need to throw up but they're listening, they'll know. shit shit what to do. i wanna be skin and bone, light as a feather, i wanna see my ribcage again. i was getting there and then i was weak, i gave up, thought i needed food. i don't. i ned control. i need nothing. fat and worthless. now all i wanna do is throw up, cut myself to pieces and cry. thanks alot parents. stay the fuck outta my life!
(no replies needed or expected i'm just pissed off)