Confused

I am in a relationship and have been for two years.
I love this relationship, I love him.
But we both suffer from depression etc.
And this means I am pushing him away and he is becoming clingy.
It isn't a good combination.
I wish I didn't push him away.
But I am sick of hurting him.
Oops.
I lie to him about how I feel.
I get easily fustrated when he tells me how he feels, because sometimes I don't understand it.
But that isn't his fault.
The more depressed I feel the more bitchy I am to him.
I am sick of being a moody, bitchy person.
I am sick of feeling so low and taking it out on others.
But I don't know how to change.
It scares me.

Why?

Why has this site not been used since last year?
I don't get that.
This site helped me a lot when I posted it, and it's sad that no one used it anymore.
Has no one got anything to say?
I doubt that very much.
I know that I want to just scream that I'm not okay.
I want to smash things, throw things, scream and rant.
But I can't.
So maybe this can be my refuge again.
So, I welcome myself back.
And I doubt this will even be read.